[Update! I have apologized to Paul Elam. When I searched the domain names of the MRA sites I am writing about, I must have confused one of Elams other domains, such as register-her.com, for the FRS site. A sincere apology to Mr. Elam is in order! I will edit this article to reflect that, and leave a record of this mistake in this post.]
This was getting cluttered and confusing, so I moved all updates to the bottom of the original post. Thanks!
I decided to create a Google alert today to find out which of my articles people are talking about and what they’re saying, a tip I read up on on another blog. The first alert it sent me is a doozy. I’ll get to that.
I had stumbled upon one of these atrocious pits of misogyny, the False Rape Society(FRS), a group that insists that it wants to help men who are falsely accused of rape. However, upon closer examination, the first clue of the illegitimacy of this claim is that the FRS is closely affiliated with such sites as “The Happy Misogynist”, “A Voice for Men”, and other sites dedicated to tearing female-bodied persons down and trying to erase their rapes and very existence as survivors. [See updates at the bottom for a lot more info on these sites, their ties, what they say.]
Don’t forget this winner, the MGTOW (Men Going Their Own Way) Forums, featuring the article “A Tale of Two Skanks” on the front page. These are people who celebrate domestic violence and rape. Scum. This site is directly linked to register-her.com[owned by Paul Elam
who owns the FRS domain], the site which publicly prints women’s information in an attempt to invoke violence upon them, which I told you about in this article.
The False Rape Society site also explicitly states that rape victims are not victims until the government says so, and painstakingly scours the internet for any articles that can cast women who are raped as liars, one and all, thus feeding into these insecure rape-apologists’ fantasies about who women are.
So I dropped a little comment, just a quick drive-by hoping to agitate them into seeing what I’ve said about MRAs in the past, maybe get a few of them to pull their heads out of their asses. I said this:
My theory is that there are five of you guys in real life, and you salivate for the day that domestic violence and rape are legal. You do have a mother, you know.
(Since not one of the MRAs seems to understand this quote, I will disambiguate: the “five guys” I was talking about aren’t false rape accusees; I am talking here about the FRS administrators/writers/owners. And when I say he has a mother, I mean, who the fuck can believe this garbage about their own mothers, sisters, friends, co-workers? Well, these guys.)
The False Rape Society decided to cling onto this comment, I speculate because I used my real name. These cowards, who are anonymous actors and do not list any actual contact information, have the guts to print my name–but not their own? We are dealing with some real heroes for the movement here, folks!
They make a nice little post which prints my name twice, before unleashing their little man-babies to make whine about it. And when I saw this in my Google alert and went to their page, I was flabbergasted. Were these guys actually printing my name and attacking me, without printing their own names? Do these men always act anonymously, even though they are willing to print the information of women and men who dare to oppose them? They do.
So I wrote this response, as calmly as I could, face still fresh from palm [I've cleaned up a couple of typos, I was really pissed when I wrote this]:
The False Rape Society decided to cling onto my comments because,
unlessunlike most of their patrons, I have the courage to use my real name. The False Rape Society, a group of men who have a fetish for obsessing over the anomalies of false rape accusation–and leverage these legitimate false accusations in order to undermine the ability of females to have their rapes taken seriously–decided to print my name in a thinly veiled attempt to gin up animosity toward me.
But, if it is animosity that the False Rape Society wishes to gin up against me, I welcome it. You see, the FRS is associated with and linked to such puerile and trashy woman-hating groups as A Voice for Men (not a voice for me), register-her.com (which I’ve written about, a site which indiscriminately publishes women
and men‘s information to the public in an attempt to intimidate and silence critics), and sites like “the Happy Misogynist.”
FRS takes a very serious and very real issue, false rape accusation, and instead of trying to build a better life for men, they try to destroy women. So it is indeed that you are a very small voice, because you do not represent all of us men, and you do indeed salivate, in fact have an unending and unquenchable thirst, for the day when you have succeeded in undermining public confidence in women to the degree that sexual violence is not just the norm, as it is today, but the law.
If these rape-apologists piss you off as much as me, then please feel free to hit up the article that attacks me and let them know what you think of them. That is, if you feel safe doing so. We are talking about a predator-advocacy group**.
*Correction: I failed to understand the point of this blurb from an article on FRS: “I hate to say ‘you were asking for it,’ but . . . you were asking for it! If you get intimate with someone who can hurt you, then you have only yourself to blame when you get hurt.” The quote is actually a way for the FRS to claim that there is a double standard in false accusation. (They cleverly elevate the deceptive phrases to get you to strongly respond, and embed the “we’re against victim-blaming” stuff later in the article, in finer print. The weasel is strong with these ones…) Then they emailed me and called me an asshole moonbat and said that radical feminists are smug, with more smugness than I’ve ever been spoken to with in my life. They also refuse to print my follow-up comments on their blog. In effect, they refuse to engage—they can only sling mud and run. These guys are incredible.
**This remark regards the process by which FRS vets, or rather does NOT vet, the men they advocate for and give a platform on the blog. After all, how exactly does the FRS decide which of the men that frequent their site are actually guilty of sexual violence? I’ve asked them a few times, to no avail.
Just for fun, here’s
Paul’s someone at FRS’s latest email to me:
P.S. Ben, if you ever want to really talk about these issues, in a serious way, great. (I’ve just clarified that post you mischaracterized even more by quoting one of our old posts on this very issue — you really know nothing about my blog, do you?) But you attacked us this morning like some kind of idiot, so I had to put you in your place. Marc A who responded on that thread is a big time California lawyer who’s Mr. MRA — man, you even got his attention, that’s how nasty your comment was. And then you seemed all pissed when I dismiss you. You want to get serious about these issues, great — if you treat the issues respectfully, and don’t disparage our motives, I’d even consider removing my post and engaging in a serious dialogue with you. I personally doubt that you know enough about the area. Until then, I am not taking your emails.
And my response:
You are so funny,
Paul[NOT Paul!]. You think you win? It’s a game, Paul? A big-time lawyer, man–you are just the king of the world! Awww, I’m so sad Hope you don’t sic your big mean legal team on me…
Yes, I read your blog. It is a collection of articles from other places and some stuff you wrote, justifying the idea that we should assume that women are liars until they can prove their case. If you understood anything about rape crisis and domestic violence in relation to the police and courts, you would know that from the time a woman is raped until her rapist is sentenced–if, by slim chance, they are–that woman faces a devastation that no falsely accused person ever experiences. You don’t know what rape is like, do you
Paul?Nor do I.I do know that I’d rather be in jail than raped, though being in jail increases one’s likelihood of being raped exponentially. Why aren’t you helping those men? They need an advocate more than anyone. It is so strange to me that you defend people who have been–supposedly–falsely accused of rape (happened to me once, and I didn’t have no fancy-pants lawyer to cover my ass either,) but not murder or any crimes where a woman is not involved.
And the community of blogs you are part of is well-known to me.
Paul, you are not fooling me. I didn’t just wake up today and discover Men’s Rights Assholes.
Look, legitimate men’s advocacy organizations are fantastic. More of that. But organizations–if that’s what your group can be called, do you employ anyone at all?–like yours are dedicated to pushing one idea and one idea only: all rapes are women crying wolf until proven otherwise. How do you vet your clients? Do you believe all the men who come to you?
Paul, you are not a men’s rights advocate. You advocate your own resentment of women. Please, reconsider your blog and think about shutting it down, for the sake of all people. You think the world is better off with rapists walking free than falsely accused men in jail? I think both are fucked up, and should be stopped. That is the difference between us. You fight for the former.
Updates: I searched domain owners regarding the FRS and it matches the name in my comments section,
Paul Elam, who also owns register-her.com; I’m currently trying to find out what other domains he owns. I suspect he may own the Happy Misogynist Youtube account, but I’m not sure yet. Update: the Happy Misogynist lists http://www.avoiceformen.com as its website. So you see where this is going; this is a small network of obsessed men. The sidebar for the Happy Misogynist profile says it all.[As updated above, it turns out that Paul Elam authors the Youtube incarnation of the Happy Misogynist. Thanks Lovin the BE!] According to it…“It was men, after all, that brought the environment under control so that women could safely move about and go make money. It was also men that saw the justice in allowing women to vote, own land, become educated and pursue gainful employment, with or without a man. So it was men that did the natural and just thing by handing women their equal status[...]since it was men who paid the real price so that women could walk out of that cave, a simple thank you would have been an appropriate response. Instead, by and large, women spit on us as they exited. And many of them continue to do so until this day… “
Update, Dec 10: Let’s review: It turns out, I seem to have actually overestimated the number of people who run these sites. It appears that it can all be traced to one Paul Elam,
owner of the False Rape Society and register-her domains, as well as the abandoned Happy Misogynist Blogspot account and the currently active the Happy Misogynist on Youtube. (And now we’ve found another site that Elam contributes to, the Good Men Project.)
Update: special thanks to reader Lovin the BE for discovering Paul Elam’s old blog, the Happy Misogynist on Blogspot, which can be found in its Youtube incarnation here, thus providing us with evidence that Elam knowingly lied when he said that the Happy Misogynist doesn’t exist:
I’ve also found another of Paul’s
affiliated contributed-to sites, the Good Men Project, which is more of the same drivel [regarding Elam's writings]–it seems the only way Paul thinks you can make men look good is by making women look bad. The number of sites we’ve identified as belonging to Paul Elam or that he contributes to now number 5. [MRAs seem not to understand the point of identifying sites that Elam has written for; I'm not claiming GMP is an MRA site. I'm hoping to expose Elam and his allies' ideology and ties both friendly and unfriendly, in the hopes that sites like GMP will stop providing Elam a platform. Even if the goal of GMP featuring Elam's writings is to provide a counter-point, it is still wrong to present Elam's ideology as a legitimate viewpoint. It's analogous to a gay issues blog letting Bryan Fischer provide "counter-point" commentary.]
(You can email Paul at
firstname.lastname@example.org and at email@example.com. He may also still use his Happy Misogynist email at firstname.lastname@example.org. We also know he resides in Houston, TX. Expose the networks for the world to see!)
Below in the comments, Paul Elam claims he never emailed me. Here are screenshots of his false claim followed by the emails he sent me. I can forward these emails to any interested party:[this is removed because these emails were not from Paul!]
Update number billion: And here I want to give an example of the type of culture that MRAs are fostering. This is a story about rape in the U.S. military, and a typical example of what a woman who is raped faces: Kate Weber: “I first tried reporting the rape to my staff sergeant, he told me to be quiet and not tell anyone. So then I tried to tell a woman sergeant, who was beneath him, because I thought she’d be more sympathetic. She just cursed me for jumping the chain of command and not coming to her first. I went to the doctor, who did at least make a record of it, but he did nothing. I also told my ‘battle buddy’, a fellow female soldier. She said, ‘I know that guy. He’s married and he would never do such a thing. You’re a liar and a slut.’ Before long, I was being called a whore and a bitch by everyone. The guys were warning each other: ‘This one will accuse you of rape, so stay away from her.’ I was 18 years old, it was the first time I had ever been away from home. I had no idea what to do.”